20

OK so I have been sitting here at work, feeling my heart break. I would love to get some advise from anyone out there that has had a broken heart. I can not stop crying. I have never felt like this for anyone in my life. I thought I was in love once but not like this. I don’t want to sit everyday crying I need to get over this. Any advise would be great. Thank you. Have a great day.

19

Ok so I talked to that asshole last night. He was saying that it was all my fault that we don’t have a thing going on anymore. What a piece of work. He was also telling me that he really does respect and love me. I told him if he did then he wouldn’t have done what he did. Just like guys to turn it around so they have no fault. I told him that I didn’t even want to be friends with him. I was being kinda mean to him on the phone and he tells me not to be. I said so basically its ok for you to treat me this way and be mean but I have to sit back and take it and be nice. Well I did get some frustration out. One thing I know I will miss is hanging out with the kids. I would really like to continue that relationship if possible. I feel really bad for them. They lost their uncle 3 days after the four year anniversary of their mothers death. They are going through hell. I just wish there was something I could do for them. So I have to see him this afternoon then again on Sunday. I think after that I will only have to see him one more time to get the money he owes me. I really don’t think I will be getting that money. I think I fucked myself in that aspect. But you never know he just might surprise me and actually pay the debt. Well I gotta go for now. Have a great day.

Again Crap

Well yesterday I went to a meeting and I was there about half hour and I came to find something out. I was told that Todd’s brother was foud dead that morning. I am all sorts of confused now. I am done with trying to be with him. I thought we were trying to work things out but it didn’t go that way. So I am done with him in that aspect. I am also kinda in a weird state because of the whole thing that just happened. I don’t want to talk to him or see him anymore. I will have to see him  a acouple more times only because he owes me money. Other than that I plan on avoiding him all together. I have no need to see him. He has caused me lots of pain. I also decided that I am not going to go to the wake or funeral for his brother. Todd has chosen to work things out with the ex that his daughter can’t stand. She was horrible to the kids and I don’t knowhow he can do that to his kids. I don’t care about him anymore. That might seem wrong to just stop caring but it is what I have to do. I have to move on andleave that part of my life behind me. Well have a great day.

crap

Seems like I just get handed crap all the time. I thought Todd and i were doing good and come to find out he is sleeping with his ex and wants to get back with her. I feel really bad for the kids becaus she treats them like shit and they don’t care for her at all. So this is the end of that part of my life. That and the work bullshit. I don’t know if it can get any worse. Oh wait I forgot to mention that I am flat broke. Well I will eend my bitching there. Have a great day. 

News

Well I found out yesterday that I was going to be laid off. I don’t think I told you all that the other day I got a letter in the mail. This letter stated that I would no longer be receiving state day care. I am a single mother as most of you know. I get help paying for child care through the state. Well this letter said that I make too much money now. They decreased the amount you can make and still receive benefits. I make 171.84 a year too much. I had a meeting with the bosses. I asked if I would be able to work 9-2:30. That way I could still work and wouldn’t need child care. Well they had meetings about it for two days. I was pretty sure that I would be laid off. I thought that I would be happy to get out of this job. Well when I found out I was actually crying. I mean I have been here for almost 4 years. I am no longer going to be doing what I know. I am going to be able to collect unemployment. So I figure that while I collect I will go back to school then get a new job before my unemployment runs out so I won’t miss too much money coming in. I really hope this works out for me. I am definately going to keep updates here. This also means I will have more time for my blogs. I actually already started with that. I let Jake and Spot both put up a post the other day. I will probably let them do another one very soon. Well I gotta go have a great day.