23

October 20, 2007

Wow I didn’t realize how long it has been since I made a post. There has been a lot going on. I don’t even know where to start. I guess I can start here. I have been doing this thing with my councelor called “emdr”  It has to do with eye movement and the process of everything in the brain. We have only done that a couple times and she says I am doing really good. I have been out of work for a while and some days it goes by really fast and others the days just seem to drag on and on. I want to say to Kat that I am very happy about the new baby. CONGRATULATIONS to you and your family. I know it is a little late but I have been just having so much going on. Some good but mostly bad. Well maybe not bad but not what I want and certainly not good. Well I have a busy day today so I will leave you with that. Have a great day. I will try to be back soon.

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22

August 23, 2007

So I woke up this morning and thought I really don’t want to get up. Then I realized I only have to do it 6 more times. I am really excited about that. I found out today the kids bus comes at 8:10 down the road a little bit. They are going to be excited about taking the bus. I have heard a few times over the last few days God (your higher power) does not give you anything you can’t handle. I guess I must be doing just that. I am extremely stressed out and not sure of what is to happen. I have always been in control of what I am doing. Just like they say in A A turn it over to a power greater than yourself. Also I am not the one who is really in control of my life. God or my higher power is.  Ok so I got another thing going on. For about 4-6 weeks I have not been eating during the day (not by choice) and eating dinner when I get home. So about a week ago I was starving and ate at noon time. Shortly after that I puked (not by choice) now that has happened two more times. I am thinking I need to see a doctor. I am the type of person that LOVES to eat and HATES puking. So there has got to be something going on in my mind. That is the only explination I can come up with. I hope what ever it is stops soon. I have also lost about 37 pounds since this started. I am thinking it could be stressed related. Well maybe with all this change going on that will change to. Well I gotta go for now have a great day.

Radcliff, Allie, Luna and Ozzie: Thanks for your imput! Much appreciated.


21

August 21, 2007

Ok so things have calmed down a bit. I am not as freaked out about everything. Todd an I have been talking. I am having his family over for dinner and we can talk about the whole situation then. I have also been talking to lots of people about the job thing. I might start cleaning houses for a living. That way I could make my own hoours and it would be a cash job. I do realize that I would have to probably pay taxes at the end of the year because you can’t have taxes taken out. If I really like doing that maybe it could turn into a business. I just hope that something good happens. I am still rather confused about life right now. I found out that my brother is moving out the week of the first. I knew he was planning on it but it is so soon. I also found out that my younger sister is flying out to San Fran I believe it is the same week. So my mom will be staying at her place while she is gone. I am gonna have a three bedroom house all to myself. Wow it is gonna be weird. I have had a three bedroom place before but it was a shit hole not a place to call a home. So lots of stuff going on in two weeks. My uncle’s b-day is coming up and I am gonna give him a call and wish him well. I haven’t talked to him in just about a year. His last b-day. I went up to the cape for his party. I am thinking about going up again for a visit. It kinda sucks that sometimes you only think of family when something happens. Well that is how it is for my family anyway. I gotta go now so have a great day.


20

August 16, 2007

OK so I have been sitting here at work, feeling my heart break. I would love to get some advise from anyone out there that has had a broken heart. I can not stop crying. I have never felt like this for anyone in my life. I thought I was in love once but not like this. I don’t want to sit everyday crying I need to get over this. Any advise would be great. Thank you. Have a great day.


19

August 16, 2007

Ok so I talked to that asshole last night. He was saying that it was all my fault that we don’t have a thing going on anymore. What a piece of work. He was also telling me that he really does respect and love me. I told him if he did then he wouldn’t have done what he did. Just like guys to turn it around so they have no fault. I told him that I didn’t even want to be friends with him. I was being kinda mean to him on the phone and he tells me not to be. I said so basically its ok for you to treat me this way and be mean but I have to sit back and take it and be nice. Well I did get some frustration out. One thing I know I will miss is hanging out with the kids. I would really like to continue that relationship if possible. I feel really bad for them. They lost their uncle 3 days after the four year anniversary of their mothers death. They are going through hell. I just wish there was something I could do for them. So I have to see him this afternoon then again on Sunday. I think after that I will only have to see him one more time to get the money he owes me. I really don’t think I will be getting that money. I think I fucked myself in that aspect. But you never know he just might surprise me and actually pay the debt. Well I gotta go for now. Have a great day.


Again Crap

August 13, 2007

Well yesterday I went to a meeting and I was there about half hour and I came to find something out. I was told that Todd’s brother was foud dead that morning. I am all sorts of confused now. I am done with trying to be with him. I thought we were trying to work things out but it didn’t go that way. So I am done with him in that aspect. I am also kinda in a weird state because of the whole thing that just happened. I don’t want to talk to him or see him anymore. I will have to see him  a acouple more times only because he owes me money. Other than that I plan on avoiding him all together. I have no need to see him. He has caused me lots of pain. I also decided that I am not going to go to the wake or funeral for his brother. Todd has chosen to work things out with the ex that his daughter can’t stand. She was horrible to the kids and I don’t knowhow he can do that to his kids. I don’t care about him anymore. That might seem wrong to just stop caring but it is what I have to do. I have to move on andleave that part of my life behind me. Well have a great day.


crap

August 11, 2007

Seems like I just get handed crap all the time. I thought Todd and i were doing good and come to find out he is sleeping with his ex and wants to get back with her. I feel really bad for the kids becaus she treats them like shit and they don’t care for her at all. So this is the end of that part of my life. That and the work bullshit. I don’t know if it can get any worse. Oh wait I forgot to mention that I am flat broke. Well I will eend my bitching there. Have a great day.