Today I can not stop the tears. Todd decided he didn’t want to continue to do what we were doing. I woke this morning and started taking it out on my kids. I feel like a horrible person. I would love nothing more than to end this shitty life. I know that just because a relationship is over doesn’t mean its the end of the world. When I was with him it was the best time in my life EVER and now its done. He always said that he didn’t want a relationship and that he was not ready. I knew all of this from the get go. I just wish I did not go and fall in love with him.  There is so much going on in this head of mine. I wish I could just become like a stone and have no emotion what so ever. At least that way it would not affect the kids too much. I don’t know how to deal with the emotions.  I am going to be taking a break for a while. I don’t know when I will be back. Have a great day.


5 Responses to 17

  1. Mr. Hendrix says:

    i’m sorry you’re going thru such a tough time. it is very hard to deal with a loss like that especially when you’re dealing with depression already. purrs to you that you feel better soon. we’re pulling for you!

  2. Kaze says:

    I just found your blog. I’m sorry that things are so hard for you! The Lap Lady goes through some horrible depressions sometimes and certainly any big change like a relationship ending is going to be so hard. I will send you some BIG PURRS. The LL says that no matter how sad she is me looking into her eyes and purring makes her smile for a least a split second.

  3. Just checking in.

    Hope you made it to the appointment with that guy Peter.

    Hope even more you are feeling better.

    {{huuggss}} and puuurrrrssssss…..

  4. Karen C. says:

    I sure do hope you’re feeling better. I’m dealing with a bunch of stuff myself, and haven’t been around much. I remember feeling exactly how you describe, and it’s horrible. I pray that you’ll be able to get to the point where your love for yourself and your kids is all you need, and relationships are just an added bonus, if they happen. I certainly understand how the out of control emotions can make you feel like you say – I’ve been there. Are you bi-polar, by any chance? Kelly (the Blonde Girl) is and has to deal with the same stuff too. Were you able to see a doctor and get some medication? I’m thinking of you, and the fluffs send loving purrs.

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