17

July 11, 2007

Today I can not stop the tears. Todd decided he didn’t want to continue to do what we were doing. I woke this morning and started taking it out on my kids. I feel like a horrible person. I would love nothing more than to end this shitty life. I know that just because a relationship is over doesn’t mean its the end of the world. When I was with him it was the best time in my life EVER and now its done. He always said that he didn’t want a relationship and that he was not ready. I knew all of this from the get go. I just wish I did not go and fall in love with him.  There is so much going on in this head of mine. I wish I could just become like a stone and have no emotion what so ever. At least that way it would not affect the kids too much. I don’t know how to deal with the emotions.  I am going to be taking a break for a while. I don’t know when I will be back. Have a great day.

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16

July 10, 2007

Well its been a while and I still am not feeling better. I have to wait until August first to see a doctor about the whole depression thing. Right now I am hating life. I wish I didn’t have to work. I just want to stay in bed and not do a damn thing. I don’t think anything could help me out today. I don’t really have much of anything to say. I just don’t care about anything and I don’t like being like this. I can not wait until the first of the month to get here. It seems like such a long way away. Well Hope you all have a great day.


Bitch and complain time

July 2, 2007

Victor and Bonnie’s slave, that sounds like a huge imposition. Why do the employers give their workers such a hard time? Don’t they know if we are happy then we are more productive? Well I had a dream last night. I usually don’t dream of if I do don’t remember them. Well this one I remember most of. I lived in a house and my neighbors were the parents of Bonnie underfoot and Victor tabby cat. It was really cool it seemed like it was real. I was all excited to have a neighbor as one of my online friends. Too bad it was just a dream. I am still fighting this damn depression. I called about four weeks ago and went in for an intake appt. They lady wants me to go on Weds for a group session and have an individual time for me. Well I left the appt and waited to hear from them. Two weeks passes and I call them up to find out. They said they would call back. They did about five minutes later. I am supposed to see this guy Peter. I call him and left a message. A week goes by and don’t here from him. So I call again. He was out that day. He calls me back almost a week later and tells me he is going to set up an appt. He puts me to the people who make the appts. The first aval. is August 1st. I am sitting here thinking to myself “what the fuck” I have to wait a month to see someone about this. What the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime.  Well I guess I will just have to deal. I am still job hunting. I have an appt with a company on the 9th. Can’t wait!!!!! Now I have finally gotten almost all of my stuff off my old computer. The reason I am saying this is because I have finally been able to get the pictures ready for all the people who helped out way back when the three kitties got their new home. I feel horrible that it has taken so long. I am going to have to wait just a little longer I have to get special discs to do what I plan. Hopefully this paycheck I can get them. I am not sure though because the money I have to send out to pay the bills is more than I am taking home. So I have to figure out which bills I can get away with only paying part of. That is another thing contributing to my stress and depression. I was thinking about how much money I owe and how much I take home. I am completly screwed. So I just have to take it little by little. Well I have to get to work have a great day.