15

So I have not been writing much of anything at all. I am still here fighting this damn depression. I have an appt to see someone but not til the 22nd. I am not sure if I can wait that long. Even sitting here writing I am on the edge of crying. I don’t know know if I can deal with it for tat long. Things are kinda fucked up with me and the guy I got a thing going on with. I can’t really get into it but I just wish it would go back to the way it started out as. I feel that has a lot to do with the cause of the depression. I have not really been eating I have been loosing weight. I feel like drinking I have even been suicidial. I even started taking birth control that is not great for me. There has been research done on it and they say not to be on it for more than two years. I was on it for 5 so I had to sign a waiver to get the shot. I do not care about that. My concern is I did it for him and I’m not sure what he wants. I KNOW what I want. I have to chair the meeting on Wednesday night I think that might help. I don’t know. I have also been considering taking pills (any kind) to help me out. I can’t stand beng like this. It has been so long since I have felt good. I have also been trying to just get rid of my feelings but it hard with the fucking depression. I wold so love to just not care. Turn off all feelings and go through life like a zombie. There is also shit going on at work. I am job hunting and have not had much luck so far. I am really hoping t oget out of this place. I am not getting along with the new boss lady. The other boss lady is completely out of the building and not in charge any more. I am waiting to hear about a job in a company that is hiring 39 positions. I am trying for a secretary position. The starting rate of pay is anywhere from 12-19 an hour. I think it all depends on the experience level. Well I have to go for now have a great day.

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13 Responses to 15

  1. Oreo says:

    Poor Danielle. I is sending purrs & snuggles & stinky fishy breff kissies to you. I hopes you feel all way better soon my furriend. Take care of yoreself.

  2. Karen C. says:

    I’m sorry to hear you’re going through all that. When I feel like I’m overwhelmed and nothing is going right and I’m going to burst out crying for no reason, I have one thing that works for me. I pick one thing that needs to be done and concentrate on doing the best possible job completing that one thing. I don’t do anything else until the one thing is finished. Then I take a good look at what I’ve accomplished and let myself feel good about it, then I move on to the next thing. It doesn’t even have to be a big thing – fix something, clean something – whatever. Sometimes it’s even better if you do start with small things. Then, as those things fall into place one by one, everything else seems easier to deal with. I don’t know if it works for everyone, but it sure does work for me. I hope things get better soon!

  3. caspersmom says:

    Hi Danielle,

    I am so sorry to hear you are so depressed again. Please try to hang in there till the 22nd and also beyond. You sound a lot like my daughter, she thinks she needs a man in her life to be happy. Not so. When you get some medication for your depression please work for yourself. Make yourself happy. Go to school, an evening class see if you can better yourself to get a better job. I really do hope you get the job you are now applying for. Just remember if you don’t think anyone out there cares God does. So many ask why God, but they don’t think there is the other side. Satan is out there messing up everything. You can find your way out. I care. Take care girl and God Bless. BTW, when I was young, I gave up on trying to find someone and just enjoyed life, he came along then.

  4. Emma's Kat says:

    Danielle, I’m here and alwasy thinking about you! Oreo, KarenC and C’s mom have said a lot, so I won’t add, but just to tell you I care about you and will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

  5. Mimi Lenox says:

    Hoping you will feel better soon. I just opened the peace globe that ML made for you. I will add it to the gallery tonight. Thanks for participating!

    Peace to you,
    Mimi

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