So I have not been writing much of anything at all. I am still here fighting this damn depression. I have an appt to see someone but not til the 22nd. I am not sure if I can wait that long. Even sitting here writing I am on the edge of crying. I don’t know know if I can deal with it for tat long. Things are kinda fucked up with me and the guy I got a thing going on with. I can’t really get into it but I just wish it would go back to the way it started out as. I feel that has a lot to do with the cause of the depression. I have not really been eating I have been loosing weight. I feel like drinking I have even been suicidial. I even started taking birth control that is not great for me. There has been research done on it and they say not to be on it for more than two years. I was on it for 5 so I had to sign a waiver to get the shot. I do not care about that. My concern is I did it for him and I’m not sure what he wants. I KNOW what I want. I have to chair the meeting on Wednesday night I think that might help. I don’t know. I have also been considering taking pills (any kind) to help me out. I can’t stand beng like this. It has been so long since I have felt good. I have also been trying to just get rid of my feelings but it hard with the fucking depression. I wold so love to just not care. Turn off all feelings and go through life like a zombie. There is also shit going on at work. I am job hunting and have not had much luck so far. I am really hoping t oget out of this place. I am not getting along with the new boss lady. The other boss lady is completely out of the building and not in charge any more. I am waiting to hear about a job in a company that is hiring 39 positions. I am trying for a secretary position. The starting rate of pay is anywhere from 12-19 an hour. I think it all depends on the experience level. Well I have to go for now have a great day.