Feeling yucky again

I woke this morning not feeling well yet again. I don’t know what it is. It could be depression that is manifesting into  physical side effects. Let me tell you this. I started to see someone on Monday night. We had actually been hanging out for about a week.  Almost everyday all day.  Then last night he tells me he doesn’t want to get into a relationship ( he already asked me out).  That would have been fine. I understand that. The only problem is that I feel that there was an instant connection. I know it hasn’t been long since Joe but I have never felt this way this quickly. No I don’t think I loved him but just had really strong feelings. I only knew him for a short period of time but like I said it was an instant connection. He said to me I know you like me and I like you but….. so there it is. I get into this whole big huge fight with the family then this happens. He was the person in the fight of the family. At the time of that we were not seeing each other, but shortly afterwards. I am so depressed I feel useless. Like I am not going to ever be happy that nobody wants me.  I know I have many many friends and a HUGE fuzz family. I love everyone but this depression is really kicking my ass. I have felt in the past week like drinking more than I have in the past few years. I have even gotten to thinking those suicidal thoughts. I know that the things going on are not that big an issue and shouldn’t be feeling like that, but it comes with the depression. I know there are people I can call and talk to but when I get like this I tend to isolate. Which is not good because i am left with just my mind. That is not always safe. Another thing is my kids absolutely loved him. My daughter plotted. She gave him a ring and told him to ask me to marry him. She really liked him a lot. I have yet to tell them. I know that they will be devestated about this. I hate doing this shit to my kids. Bring people into their lives then all of a sudden gone. I don’t just mean relationship wise. There was our old neighbors, from the house we just moved from and neighbors from 2 years ago. They still ask about them.   Well anyway I will talk to you again soon. Have a great day.

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2 Responses to Feeling yucky again

  1. Barbie-Lou says:

    Danielle, You are probably exhausted and emotionally drained from all that you have been going through these past months. You haven’t had a chance to just relax and rest, what with getting out of that horrible situation with Joe, trying to find homes for the kitties, trying to get ready for the holidays, putting up with your job, and just day-to-day living. You need to take some time for yourself and take care of yourself. If that guy doesn’t want a relationship, that’s fine. Why don’t you two just be friends and have fun together, and who knows, it may end up being a great relationship. A great friendship can become a great love. Take your time, and don’t rush into anything. Let your mind and your heart heal and just concentrate on you. You have two wonderful children that love you and need you, and your have two precious kitties that love you and need you. Spend some relaxing time with them, and let them help you to cope. I know it’s not easy, but for the sake of your health and well-being, give it a try. You know that everyone will be here for you. You are a wonderful person, caring, loving, and giving. Remember that, and don’t let life get you down. You deserve love and happiness, and you will get it one day. Just be patient.
    And if you get the urge to drink, just remember how awful you’ll feel the next morning with a hangover. Worked for me.
    Barbie-Lou

  2. Karen C. says:

    I used to think I must be worthless if some guy didn’t love me, but then I finally realized that all I need is for me to love me. It took me till I was in my early 30’s to figure it out, but I eventually did. Can’t you just be friends with this guy right now? Maybe have a relationship later? A really great guy friend is a lot of fun, especially with that little extra attraction thing thrown in.

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